The post where I solve the world's tick and Lyme disease problems

Lyme disease. PANDAS kids also commonly have Lyme, Bartonella, or other tick borne diseases. Perhaps this accounts for 1 in 100 kids now having PANDAS / PANS/ Autoimmune Encephalitis? 

Thank you, Pentagon, for releasing weaponized ticks. That's crazy. Conspiracy theory stuff...Crazy enough that the House is requiring the Pentagon to come clean about experimenting with ticks as biological weapons and whoops, maybe letting a few loose in the USA. "The amendment, passed by the House last week by a voice vote, would require the Pentagon inspector general to examine "whether the Department of Defense experimented with ticks and other insects regarding its use as a biological weapon between the years of 1950 and 1975." Read the rest here. Thanks, Pentagon. 

Since the epidemic is already here, there are a couple of options. We could all move to the city and bomb the countryside with massive pesticides. Sure, we'd all get cancer and die, but, hey, no more ticks!

Or, we could take a less idiotic approach. Namely, kill the hosts.

"The (Lyme) disease is caused by the bacteria Borrelia Burgdorferi. It is spread by a number of different ticks, but the deer tick is the most common vector. The white footed mouse usually carries the bacteria. Ticks often reside in the den of the mouse, feed on the mouse’s blood in the early stages of their life and pick up the bacteria. During later feeding on humans, they can pass on the bacteria.. Ticks do not eat vegetation and are likely to spend most of their lives in sheltered areas, like mouse burrows, where pesticides will not come in contact with them. " 

The mouse....spreading Lyme disease through ticks.

The rat....spreading Black Death (Bubonic Plague) through fleas.

The pied piper, stealing the children when the people wouldn't pay for his mouse removal services.

Ya'all see the connection here? 

The solution?

Option #1.

Cats. Lots of cats. Message me. I can hook you up with one...or two...or five. Around here, we prefer the 6 toed cat variety. Super hunters. With thumbs.

Allergic to cats?  Once upon a time, there was a little girl who was allergic to cats. Her momma had her drink 12 ounces of donkey milk, and then the strangest thing happened. She can play with kitties. She doesn't sneeze. Such a coincidence. 

Or, you could put out rat contraceptives. Like Chicago. Seriously Chicago? Get some cats. 

Hate cats? Well...donkey milk can't help with that. For you, there's...

Option #2.

Guineas. Not the overgrown fuzzy mouse relative kind. The loud, dinosaur looking bird that forgets it can fly and looks for mysterious ways to die. That kind. They eat ticks and love them.

Annoying, loud, dumb birds aren't allowed in your neighborhood? 

Option #3.

You can spend your free time making mouse beds laced with poison pesticides and leave them all over your yard for kids to find and play with. Because, what could be more fun than Pesticide laced cotton balls in convenient toilet paper rolls? (Sarcasm, ya'all.) But, if you don't have kids that like to craft with paper tubes and cotton balls, this one is for you.

Don't have time to poison cotton balls and strategically place them throughout your yard?

Option #4.

Buy lint rollers in bulk. Roll yourself, your pets, your kids, your husband, every time they walk outside. (The super sticky kind also double as effective back hair removers. Just don't tell him before you roll.) Seriously, these things are the best tick picker uppers ever.

Prefer to keep your back hair and marriage intact?

Option #5.

The Ultimate Tick Trap. If I were queen, everyone would be required to place these in their backyards until ticks were eradicated. No more ticks. (Or microwaves. Or 5G cell phone towers. I'd ban them all with one sceptor declaration for good.)

This is the hard part...you can't buy these things. You actually have to MAKE them. I know. So. Hard. 

Dry Ice. Styrofoam Cooler. Sticky Tape. =Awesome Tick Trap. DIY tick trap Instructions here.

(I may have my girls start selling these by the road. Like, lemonade stands, only, tick traps. Just add dry ice. Pay for college with tick traps. Brilliant.)

Have acres and acres to cover?

Option #6.

TickBots to the rescue. Seriously ya'all. I had this idea, I even bought the remote controlled car. But mine was an amazon cheap version and didn't work like this cool kids version. Leave it to the millennials to copy my idea and create the better bot. (Ask my husband. I seriously have a prototype in the laundry room...epic fail.) They just need to market these babies. I'd buy one. 

 Until these are on the market, and come down in price (apparently they want $1,000 for their bots, and are planning to market them to pesticide companies.) You could make your own like these guys...let me know if it turns out better than my flop. Did I mention I'd buy one?

There you have it. Total tick eradication.

You're welcome.