Our Daily Bread

By the time parents are willing to try Donkey Milk, they've usually exhausted every other option. They're physically, emotionally, and financially spent. And they come to us as a last resort.

They need more than donkey milk, they need someone who understands and who gets it, the strain it takes on the whole family, and the PTSD in the mother's eyes.

So, we share our story and we try to give them hope, along with donkey milk. But sometimes something tells me they need more than the milk...(because donkey milk doesn't chelate heavy metals...but that's another blog post.) So, I send them to my favorite practitioners.

I tell them all the things they should be looking for, and practitioners they should be seeing, and supplements they should be taking, and expensive diets they should be doing. And their shoulders slump and they look away. But I don't notice. Because I'm too busy "shoulding".

Then there was that one time when I did my "should" routine with extra "need to's" sprinkled on top.

And they told me they only had $18. They couldn't afford the $120 consult with my top "should" practitioner. Or the myriad of supplements he would recommend. And insurance doesn't cover "alternative treatments" or gluten free diets.

The problem was, we don't raise money for this. When you donate milk money for kids, that money is just for milk, not alternative therapies. So, my hands were tied. So I told myself...as I read my morning Bible Study. (Never do that, whilst feeling self righteous and good. FYI.)

"Never walk away from someone who deserves help;
your hand is God’s hand for that person.
Don’t tell your neighbor “Maybe some other time”
or “Try me tomorrow”
when the money’s right there in your pocket." Proverbs 3:27
Well. Bummer. I guess that blows that. I still couldn't use milk money, but I did have soap money. In my proverbial pocket. Right there.
So I messaged her that we could cover the cost of the appointment. $120. And that she could just pay it forward when things get better someday. 
And I felt pretty good about myself. Self-righteous status restored. Let the day begin.
Then that afternoon, my husband, who shall remain anonymous for this post, got pulled over. And got a $200 plus ticket.
And I was ticked. Because it seems like whenever you try to do something good...you get taken out at the knees.
I was tempted to message her and say "I'm sorry, we can't cover that appointment, you see, it wasn't from donations, it was just from us...and we have to sell a lot of soap to pay this ticket...and...and..."
But I didn't. Because I couldn't do it. And it would be wrong to punish them for our dumb.
But I was some kind of annoyed. Why does God let this kind of stuff happen, just when you feel like you're doing good?
Maybe because...because I was feeling like I was the one doing good. Not Him.
The next day my husband walked the long lane to check the mail. 
And inside was a check, for $500. The card enclosed said, "Please use $300 for X family for their child's milk, and the other $200 is to use as you see fit."
Ya'all. That check was in the mailbox THE WHOLE TIME. 
All the while, I was feeling like it was up to me to make this happen for this family, and God had already made it happen, well beyond what my miserly heart had planned.
So I'm writing this down, to reread when I feel overwhelmed and inadequate. Like right now, about this Hee Haw for Health Event, that has a zero dollar budget, and a lot of needs....and practitioners booking plane tickets from out of state to be here...and how in the world are we going to make this happen.
So I will remember, I'm not the one making this happen. I'm not the one who gets the credit for this. Or the accolades. Or the pat on the back. 
Because this is absolutely impossible. The money isn't in my pocket for this event. I can't make this happen.
But my Father has deep pockets. And it's already there.
Baby donkey picture for cuteness. Because, Baby Donkeys.

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